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Archived Articles:
Disappointments by Tel Asiado
Writing War by Becca Noy
Push on: Following the Call... by Lee Down
Gratitude...for Many Blessings by Tel Asiado
Grudge - Let it Go! by Tel Asiado
Increasing the Power of Persuasion by Damen Choy
Being Driven by Tel Asiado
Broaching the Gap by Jo Rosee
Have we forgotten to laugh? by Tel Asiado
Expectations ... let's be fair by Tel Asiado
If I only had time by Tel Asiado
Acting on opportunities by Tel Asiado
Disappointments
By Tel Asiado
We all experience disappointments, at varying times in our lives, in so many ways.
Most of the time with people. In fact the closer the person is, the more we expect, the more
we are bound to get disappointed. And let's face it, sometimes, we are even disappointed with God.
Much of our disappointments grow out of a kind of self-preoccupation. "He didn't call
me." "She didn't come and visit me." "He didn't even remember it's our wedding
anniversary." "She doesn't remember my birthday any longer." And so on. Focusing on oneself
is bound to set one up for disappointment. The self-consumed will always be whingeing and
whining about how they have been let down.
What matters most is when disappointments turn into hardened resentment or anger.
What did we expect anyway - perfection? Time and again, I am reminded that even the Perfect
One managed to disappoint and was nailed to a cross.
I think we would ease some anxieties and less pain if we accepted the fact that we are fallible
human beings, and as such we are bound to disappoint. It is inevitable whether it be our husbands
or wives, partners, mother and children, best friend, office worker or employer.
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Writing War
By Becca Noy
"All we are saying is give peace a chance" by John Lennon and Paul Mccartney
How can we know peace if we don’t know war? What does the word “war” mean to
one who has never lived it? How can we really grasp the violence and emotions
of war when we are safe in our homes? How can we comprehend the death and the
injured?
On the news they give us updates. They give us death tolls. They give us
numbers and part truths, but how can we really even begin to imagine 56, 125,
262 dead in World War II? No don’t imagine it, it’s a fact! 56, 125, 262
dead, how can we fathom that?
As a child the updates of the Gulf War meant nothing to me. It had nothing
to do with me. All I knew was that my cartoons weren’t on. That is how that
war affected me; I missed my cartoons. People were being killed and I just
wanted my cartoons on.
In high school history learning about the wars, it was just the facts of
history. I studied it, learnt the numbers and passed the classes.
But now, right now, we are at war. We are fighting against terrorism, but
I’m still sitting here at home. I can’t see the death, can’t hear the gun
shots, and can’t smell the carnage. How can I know war?
Let me tell you why the pen is mightier than the sword.
Through written words I have come to a greater understanding as to why
we are at war. Through written words I have learnt the horrors of war. I
will never know war for what it exactly is, unless (and let’s hope it doesn’t)
come to my backyard (literally). And through written words I have learnt
that physical violence is not the way to fight... that we will never achieve
peace with guns.
The sword may kill the enemy but the pen can help people understand. The
pen is what we should be fighting for peace with.
With the pen we can not only record the numbers and facts, with the pen
we can write war. Truly write it, like Wilfred Owen, Herbert Read and
Archibald MacLeish. If words can transport us to fantastical worlds, if
words can take us to King Arthur’s Round Table then why couldn’t they take
us to war? If with Hemingways writing we can taste and feel the texture of
food in our mouths then why wouldn’t we be able to hear the guns of war?
The Last Laugh by Wilfred Owen
'Oh! Jesus Christ! I'm hit,' he said; and died.
Whether he vainly cursed or prayed indeed,
The Bullets chirped-In vain, vain, vain!
Machine-guns chuckled,-Tut-tut! Tut-tut!
And the Big Gun guffawed.
Another sighed,-'O Mother, -Mother, - Dad!'
Then smiled at nothing, childlike, being dead.
And the lofty Shrapnel-cloud
Leisurely gestured,-Fool!
And the splinters spat, and tittered.
'My Love!' one moaned. Love-languid seemed his mood,
Till slowly lowered, his whole faced kissed the mud.
And the Bayonets' long teeth grinned;
Rabbles of Shells hooted and groaned;
And the Gas hissed.
I may not ever hold a gun for my country but with my pen and the power
of words I can fight my own battle against terrorism and for peace. Writers
can make a difference not just today but in the times to come.
They say,
We leave you our deaths,
Give them their meaning,
Give them an end to the war and a true peace,
Give them a victory that ends the war and a peace afterwards,
Give them their meaning.
We were young, they say.
We have died.
Remember us.
From The Young Dead Soldiers by Archibald MacLeish.
(This article has also been published in
www.RITRO.com, a Web Community.)
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Push On: Following the Call
By Lee Down
I had an experience a number of months ago that really shut down my giftedness
and creativity. As was wished by one, that I not pursue my passion due to
its overwhelming burden, I did crawl away for awhile, questioning and trying
to live an ordinary life. Confidence is a funny thing in that it comes and
goes. Passion burns on.
In living the ordinary life, many obstacles, pains and sorrows, are
experienced. Each heartache speaks to the focus of that passion. In my case,
it has much to do with how I see people interacting in harmful ways. It may
be too much to change the whole world but I remember that Jesus said, "The
meek shall inherit the earth." This is the power of the ordinary person that
has the power to make a difference.
We've seen Hollywood churn out great movies that inspire the best in people,
the power of one, and demonstrate the power random acts of kindness have on
the lives of those around us: Pay it Forward; North Country; Sea Biscuit; and
many more. When individuals begin recognizing the impact of their thoughts,
words, and actions on those around them, then issues facing all of our
communities will begin to improve. Recognition comes through awareness.
The controversial topic of spirituality has proven volatile in the past, and
yet, spirituality is also deeply connected to the concept of awareness, among
other things. I've taken it further and integrated our emotions and thoughts
into the spiritual concepts that I work with. For myself, this is the process
of making the spiritual life a practical life, living with the turbulence
that life throws at us. In many respects, it is a statement that says that
this life is to be experienced and lived; taking the hermit out of the seeker.
There are two things that I've learned as I've come back to my passion. First,
when your eyes are open for what is available, wherever you are, then the
support for your passion shows up. Connecting with like-minded people keeps
you connected, inspiring and strengthening when the going gets tough. Second,
like my company name, One Man Can make a difference.
That is what coaching is all about. Each client is impacted in a powerfully
positive way, with each coach working with the exactly perfect person, in the
perfect pairing, at the perfect moment in time. Each of us carries a unique
message and style that provides everyone the blessing of sharing their gift
with the world. There is no telling how far-reaching that impact will have
throughout the life and social circles of the empowered client.
In saying all of this, it is good to challenge clients, and it is good to be
available for whatever shows up, no matter where you are or who you are.
After a 4-month hiatus from coaching, I'm pushing on and bringing my unique
message to the world. It was during this hiatus that many people, strangers
to me before, showed up affirming what I'm about. What I'm about, isn't for
everyone. We're all on different journeys and what a blessing to have so
much diversity.
(Lee Down is an entrepreneur, professional coach, writer and speaker. He
can be reached at lee.down@onemancan.ca,
One Man Can)
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Gratitude ... for Many Blessings
By Tel Asiado
One of my favourite quotations of gratitude is from Johannes
Gaertner. He said, “To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact
gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.”
Gratitude involves the act of giving rather than of receiving. To show
gratitude, we stop thinking of ourselves and start thinking of others. Often,
those closest to us get the least of our gratitude. Perhaps, we tend to take
them for granted knowing they’ll always be there for us.
And how about being grateful for our lives and all the blessing around us? Can
we remember the last time we watched the beautiful sunset with loved ones, or
smell the fragrance of the roses early in the morning? Did we ever stop to
thank the Creator for this? Whether we are religious or not, we have a Higher
Power to thank for our many blessings.
From the busy traffic of our daily lives, and if we have fallen into a habit
of ingratitude, let’s pause and think of people, including our partners,
friends, and co-workers, among others. Then let’s find a way to thank and
appreciate their kindness we’ve neglected to acknowledge.
Practicing gratitude will help us appreciate more fully our many blessings.
And for every kindness we receive, gratitude will inspire countless acts of
giving.
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Grudge - let it go!
By Tel Asiado
Mary my friend is a senior manager in a banking firm. She is also
an angry woman. Lately she has been edgy and irritable, to her team’s
discomfort. Her grudge has become a displaced anger. She has taken it out to
her day-to-day office staff, as well as to her two friends she lives
with.
One afternoon, I had a cup of coffee with her. In chatting with Mary, I
noticed her ex-husband and family always come up. She is angry and bitter.
Over the years her life has revolved around negative emotions towards them.
But the primary source of misery and failure in her life is her long-held
grudge.
She believes that if she lets go of her anger to some family members, she’ll
never get the revenge she deserves, never be able to get the persons to
acknowledge they wronged her, then never get back her sense of dignity and
self-esteem, although she might not admit this openly. A kind of payoff. But
whether she realises it or not, her grudge had hardly given her the
satisfaction she probably thinks it will. In fact, it has inhibited her growth
and prevented her from moving on with life without the grudge-baggage. She
hardly laughs; and avoids socializing as much as she can.
After a re-fill of another cup of coffee, she eventually admitted in tears
that perhaps her long time grudge has been a way of blaming others for events
and not taking personal responsibility; that it had provided her an excuse for
her own misery, distress and failure in career and relationships by holding her
family members accountable.”
We all, at one point, have held a grudge against someone - our former bosses,
employers, in-laws, family, or even friends who we think have let us down.
Some people get over it reasonably soon. But others nurse this grudge for
years, perhaps they can’t even recall the reason for it.
Grudge or anger must be dealt with or it will feed on itself. It can rankle if
not healed and it can seriously affect our health and well-being.
Thought to reflect on: What are some ways we can honestly express our
unresolved grudge that will positively affect the way we feel?
(Note: This article was originally published in 'Daily Thoughts'
of www.RITRO.com.)
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Increasing the Power of Persuasion
By Damen Choy
Last weekend, I picked up a book from my bookshelf. Covered with dust, it has
been there for more than ten years. It is called "Succeed and Grow Rich
Through Persuasion" by Napoleon Hill and E. Harold Keown.
I bought this book thinking it was about salesmanship, but only to find
out it was about how to make the most of the Creator's precious gift - our
mind.
Written in 1970, the book is still worth reading now.
Having browsed through the book, I was prompted to write an article about
it... how to increase our power of persuasion, a subject that has been
addressed by many [good] writers and trainers.
For my purpose, I'd like to focus on and share only three of these habits. I
use these three habits every day and hope you can too.
THE FIRST HABIT:
Understand and believe in what you are saying.
How well you can present a topic depends on how well you understand it.
More importantly, you should believe in what you're trying to convey. If
you cannot convince yourself, don't expect others to be convinced.
Study shows that non-linguistic communication (other non-verbal means of
communication, e.g. body languages) makes up more than 50% of the actual
messages you convey to the audience. If you don't believe in what you are
saying, your body will tell the truth. This will greatly reduce your
communicative power, and worst of all, totally ruin your credibility.
THE SECOND HABIT:
Don't easily believe in what others are saying.
This relates to your attitude to learning. And it in turn relates to how
you define knowledge.
Plato defined knowledge as “justified true belief.”
A belief can be considered as knowledge only if it has been justified.
This is sometimes referred to as the theory of justification.
In simpler words, what you acquired and learned can only be turned into
knowledge after you have intensively analysed and justified it.[1]
Therefore, you should go through a process of intense internal
justification before you can truly turn something you receive[d] into
knowledge. You need to totally digest, understand and accept the
reasoning behind the new things you acquired. If you can make a habit of it, you can greatly increase your persuasion
power, because what you are trying to do actually comes from your inner
heart and is essentially part of your soul.
THE THIRD HABIT:
Speak with not only your mouth, but your eyes and your body.
When I interview people, I always look at their eyes. This tells me a lot
about the interviewees. Are they sincere? Are they confident? Are they
telling lies? I can tell from this with 90% accuracy.
So beware of you body when you speak. Use your hands and body to support
your speech. Use your eyes. Look straight into the eyes of your audience
when you are emphasising some important points.
Listen CAREULLY. This is very powerful. A confident person speaks with
his/her eyes, not with the mouth.
FINAL WORDS:
You can tell the magic of these habits only if you truly believe that
they can transform you. In time, you'll feel the dramatic improvement
become a part of you.
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[1] http://www.wordiq.com/definition/Epistemology
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Being Driven
By Tel Asiado
You probably have come across ‘driven’ people. I have. In fact, I’ve
been one among millions out there myself. What do I mean by ‘driven?’ Simply, these are
individuals who are sometimes labelled workaholics or compulsives because they
are consumed by their work, occupation or pursuits. Some of us have been
workaholics for years. Extremely busy making a living that we actually forget
to live. Nothing wrong with this except anything taken to extremes is a
dangerous scenario. Why? Because at day’s end, we keep finding ourselves sick
and tired. Burnt out. And despite the empty in-trays at work, our life in-trays
are overflowing with things that have been waiting to be done – enjoy with
family and loved ones at a nearby beach, listen to our favourite music, read a
good book, respond to long overdue emails and snail mail from friends, and so
forth. Yes, we’ve been driven long and hard. But the trouble with being driven
and unhappy is that we are not in control, something else is. And because we
let ourselves be driven for years in extremes, often, we find it difficult to
free ourselves from the grip of all kinds of conformities - those we have
imposed on ourselves, our employers, society, or even by our loved ones and
friends. Eventually, when we let go, it often comes with very painful
trade-offs.
Reflections: Are you driven? Are you fun and uplifting to be with? If you are
driven, does your lifestyle make you happy? If you are driven but stressed, do
you really want to live a high-pressure existence? Or would you rather be less
driven and more at peace with who you are?
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Broaching the Gap
By Jo Rosee
Patient movement fires the engine to closing the created gap between
people.
Caring tenderness erects the spans to bridging the separated walls.
Open views and non-judgemental communication entertwines the voice
network.
Supportiveness creates the solid mix of foundation within the crevice
formed.
Loyalty provides the girders which link the walls on both sides again.
Selflessness churns the adhesive mixture which pulls each side together.
Thoughtfulness and their timely deeds provides the solution to closing the
open space.
Flexibility conjures the putty to resolidify the meeting ground.
Respect builds the final cornerstone of the relationship and closes the gap
forever.
(Jo Rosee is an Information
Technology Program Manager. In private, she loves to indulge in creative
writing and poetry.)
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Have we forgotten to laugh?
By Tel Asiado
We are all familiar with the expression ‘laughter is the best
medicine.’ When we let go of our negative thoughts and feelings long enough
to laugh, we allow ourselves to be healed, at least for those moments. When
we’re stuck on a difficult problem, laughter can get our minds and get our
creativity flowing again.
Sometimes laughter sneaks up on us when we least expect it, and perhaps need
it most. We may try to resist it, clinging instead to our negative outlook.
When this happens, we have to seek it out, knowing its health-giving power.
Some of us were taught that it’s bad feeling to express our feelings
directly – shout for joy, cry in despair and writhe in pain – that it’s good
manners to talk softly and to sit still. This is fine. No argument here.
But what happens when we keep repressing our negative feelings? They are
trapped inside our bodies. Like the trapped birds in a cage – they try to get
out anyway they can. We end up with resentments, endless headaches and
migraines.
Many of us are afraid to laugh, especially when we make mistakes. We think we
are supposed to be perfect, and we don’t allow ourselves to make mistakes. It
is our human flaws that make our lives interesting. The ability to laugh at
ourselves is a gift from God.
When there is laughter, there is also life. All we need to do is grab it and
use it. Then we will see how healthy and powerful it can be. Let us fill our
hearts with laughter. We can relieve tension, anger, self-pity, worry, and
perhaps, even boredom. It can help us relate better to others if we learn how
to relax and laugh more often. For laughter shared, grows and thrives.
(Note: This article was originally published in 'Daily Thoughts'
of www.RITRO.com.)
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Expectations ... let's be fair
By Tel Asiado
Sometimes we get bogged down with expectations of
others who can’t possibly fulfill our desires.
We expect far too much, and because they can’t live up to our expectations, we are almost
always disappointed. We blame other people, including those closest to us, for our problems.
If fact, the closer they are to us,
the more we expect much from them. We’d like to believe they are responsible for our health,
financial difficulties, happiness and other problems. And because they’re not what we want them
to be, we blind ourselves to who they are.
No one is responsible for us but us. Finding someone to blame for our problems won’t help
us make positive changes. Sometimes, our loved ones may want to give us what we want, but they
just can’t give them right away.
Wouldn’t it be better if we just let go, and let people be who they are? As soon as we let go of
unrealistic expectations, we begin to discover all the real help other people can give us. From
them, we can receive respect,
encouragement, understanding and love. Then we’d be able to see them as they are – with all
their goodness to which we take joy, and with all their faults that we can also see in ourselves.
[Top]
If I Only Had Time
By Tel Asiado
Time like the wind, goes a hurrying by, and the hours just
fly ... If I only had time.
Recently, while listening to one of my easy-listening CDs, one particular song took my thoughts
away. The title is: "If I Only Had Time".
How often do we echo these words?
If I only had time,where at the end
of the day we find our time and energies spent and our tasks yet undone.
We keep wishing we have more time. Life has gotten more and more complex.
We hold an ever increasing expectations and too many responsibilities on ourselves
creating anxiety, stress and pressure, leaving us feeling unfulfilled and frustrated.
If I only had time.
Kathy my successful manager friend struggles with not having enough hours in a day.
Instead of enjoying her business success and her life with her family, she is exhausted.
Stretched to the limit, she is feeling more frustrated. While she loves her work,
she resents the fact that her business is literally taking up all her time. Although
her husband and her children do not openly complain, she feels guilty she does not
spend enough time with them. For her, there simply does not seem to be enough time to
attend to those things she knows she ought to do. She is at the mercy of her busy
schedule. How many of us feel like Kathy?
If I only had time.
So, what can we do?
Let us revisit basic rules for using time wisely. You may have your own,
which works for you. I am offering mine.
1.
Identify and define values and priorities.
Wherever we are going, we have to set clear goals.
Only when we have discovered who we really are and know what is truly important
to us can we set priorities that lead to clear goals and specific action plans.
Perhaps we invest our time doing things that do not contribute to what is most
important in our lives. We may also find ourselves unconsciously trapped and
controlled by other people. We feel out of balance as we leave undone things
that we ought to have done in the first place. Self-management comes from a
clear understanding of who we are and what is important to us. Results we get
come about from setting clear goals and priorities. These goals must be in
alignment with our values, with who we are and with what we want in life.
2. Do it now!
We need to stop procrastinating. It is not what we do but what we do not get done
that tires us. The more we procrastinate, the more we add to the tasks we dislike
doing that must be done anyway.
3.
Learn when to say "no" and when to say "yes."
This depends on what we consider important. Immediately comes to
mind "do first things first." We can schedule our time and manage
ourselves to maximize opportunities and create balance and fulfilment in all
aspects of our lives. In so doing, we
need to learn the skill of compromise without compromising what is important to us.
This way, we provide space to fit the things that we truly value.
4. Build fun into life.
We need to relax, break the routine occasionally in
order to put zest back. There will be periods when we are out of balance.
This is normal. We do not need to feel guilty about it. Even the musical
sign "rest" is important in a piece of music to indicate "silence." As the book of Ecclesiastes
declares: there is a time and season for everything.
I would like to believe that time is a moment where life is made up
of what we do one second after another. Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow, we can
only hope for. Now is our moment. Time cannot be managed. It is already
running at the rate of 24 hours each day. What we can manage are our
activities and how we use our time. But first, we begin by managing
ourselves.
When life no longer gives us the satisfaction we want, it is time
to sit back and take stock. Take time to think, to plan and to figure out
how to work smarter, not harder. Perhaps, change some aspects of the way
we do things, redirect our energies and refocus based on our
priorities.
[Top]
Acting on Opportunities
By Tel Asiado
Opportunity seldom knocks twice ... Proverb
One of my daily
meditation books define opportunity as "a special arrangement of circumstances
offering a person the chance to step in with ideas for something new, something
better, something unique. It can show itself as a favorable occasion, time or
place for learning, saying or doing a new thing. If offers a means of
self-expression."
Why is it that some
people seem to have all the luck? Why is it that they always seem to be in the right
place at the right time? Yes, I often wonder why opportunities seem to be there for
other people, while I talk about opportunities I missed. Sound familiar? Perhaps I
should realize that opportunities do not always arrive neatly gift-wrapped just for me.
That it also arrives in the form of failure or series of disappointments.
Some take advantage of opportunity because of the willingness to get there and
take a risk, or perhaps because of greed. I often think that factors of success
are a blend of talents
and hard work. Reminds me of the salesman who does not stop with
the first call he gets, or the second or even the fourth; the job seeker who
does not give up after being turned down countless times.
I also prefer
to think it is not a question of luck, and that opportunities are all around
me ... in every area of my life - opportunities to have a good health,
to have a blessed home, to find a job I am
happy with, to achieve financial security or to secure a lasting relationship
with someone I love.
How can I take on
these challenges? Two things come to
mind:
Awareness.
I can be
aware of the countless opportunities that are around me, but first I need to
identify and define my goals, as well as determine those that matter most in my
life. Suddenly, I begin to notice how much more I 'see' when I am interested
in something, and the shutters of my mind open widely for information that is
relevant to my interests, my ambition, my dreams.
How many
opportunities have I missed because I was blind to these opportunities around me?
What difference would it make to the quality of my life if I were to become more
financially aware, more physically aware, and more sensitively aware of the
importance of my relationships?
Believe.
To find and act on
opportunities, I must believe in myself. I must believe that I have the
ability to bring changes into my life. Independent of any religion, I need
to seek in earnest the guidance from my Highest Power.
Opportunities are all around me. It seldom comes twice. It often knocks but
once. Meantime, I keep working and give my best, while I await the
break.
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